In the next two weeks we are preparing for Pesach. Some of us are beginning to clean our cupboards and fridges. Now is also the time to clean our souls. We know how to clean our floors; how do we sweep out our souls? In our Mussar classes this week we have been studying hitlamdut/self-reflection. Hitlamdut helps us clean our inner house by noticing our unhelpful habits that need to be swept away and changed.
In our Mussar 101 group last night, we highlighted a habit that so many of us have: holding onto outdated views of others. We tend to hold onto old ways of seeing someone or memories of behaviour that hurt or annoyed us, even though the person may have apologized or even changed. I know that there have been people that, when I think of them, I say to myself, ‘Oh, he’s always late,’ or ‘that one is so spacey,’ etc. Do you do that too?
By doing so, we neglect to practice the mussar trait of Hakarat Hatov, seeing the good. We remember only our old way of seeing them. We fail to notice that perhaps they have changed. We ignore their apology, or efforts to improve.
By assuming that they have never grown, or changed, we put a ‘cage’ around that person. We enslave them to our memories of them. They are stuck in our minds’ eye. They can never be released from our perception and expectations of them.
Pesach is the time to release people from bondage; to release others from our assumptions of them. If someone has apologized to us, then it’s time to let go of the old memory of them. It is our responsibility at Pesach to look for the good, to look for the ways someone has made an effort to change and grow. If someone has made that effort, now is the time to practice Hakarat Hatov, and see the good in them. Give them the respect to see the effort they have made to improve. Now is the time to free them from our old expectations, and allow them the freedom to grow.
As we prepare for Pesach, let us cleanse our souls of outdated memories and grudges that enslave others. Let us free others, and allow them to celebrate their growth, just as we celebrate our own. In the month of Nisan, we honour all growth, no matter how small it may seem.
This Shabbat may we all feel free to expand into new growth. May our efforts to clean out old ways of thinking leave the inner house of our soul refreshed.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Marcia Plumb
