Parashat Ki Tetze falls during the month of Elul. We read about punishment for crimes. One word, Brother, in the following passage tells us a lot about how we should forgive others.
Devarim 25:1-3
When there is a conflict between people and they approach the court, you shall judge them and you shall vindicate the innocent and condemn the guilty. And if the guilty party is subject to lashes, the judge should bend him over and hit him a precise number of times according to his guilt. He may hit him forty times, but may not hit him more, lest he continue to hit him more than these, an excessive beating, and your brother will come to be disparaged before your eyes.
The Hebrew word used to describe the guilty party is Rasha, evil one. But at the end of the last verse, the guilty party is renamed ‘Brother.’
‘According to R. Hananiah ben Gamliel, the terminology of brotherhood comes to mark a stage of forgiveness. Before the person who has been found guilty absorbs his punishment, it is acceptable to think of him as a rasha. But once he has been struck by the court, he is forgiven and his slate is wiped clean completely. It is neither acceptable nor accurate to call this person anything but a fully reinstated and entirely welcome brother.
The Torah is also indicating to the person who has absorbed the punishment that he should no longer think of himself as a rasha. He is equal in value and brotherhood to those who once had power over him. Once he has accepted the consequences of his crime, he need not—and should not—feel like a rasha anymore. Although the punishment of lashes is both painful and shameful, the advantage that it has is clear and unique: Once a person has gone through the ordeal, it is over, they come out whole and reinstated. It is rare to experience something that guarantees atonement and to hear in an unequivocal way: “You are whole now. You are completely forgiven.”’ (Dena Weiss)
Our parasha is perfect for us as we prepare for the season of repentance. It tells us not to hold a grudge. Once we have forgiven the person who has wronged us, the incident is over. We are not to continue lashing the person in our minds, hearts or in any way. This is not easy, I know. We often slip into lack of trust, or make side comments which remind the person of their misdeed. However, allowing the other person to regain their dignity and, at the same time, letting go of our hurt or anger, is a powerful win-win, for them and for us.
May this Shabbat of peace and rest inspire us to offer forgiveness, let go of hurt, give wholeness to others, and find it for ourselves.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Marcia Plumb
